As I write this, I am sitting on a stool in front of my laptop at Rick’s Music World. I’m here every Thursday night to perform at and livestream the open mic. Anyone who knows me on even a casual level has heard about this place and probably seen some videos of my performances. It was here that some of the greatest moments of my last few years took place, including my incredible Halloween feature, which happened during the months that I got away from writing in this blog. I’ll need to write about that and fill in the blanks sometime.
Right now, I have other things on my mind. Sometimes my symptoms start causing a chain-reaction and really kicking my ass, and this is one of those times. I’ve fallen way behind on sleep, which is increasing my fatigue and brain fog. It also makes my Adderall tics worse, and the stiff muscles are causing that burning pain in my shoulders. For some reason, the past few months, when I get that burning shoulder pain it eventually causes nausea… so yeah, I’m pretty uncomfortable right now, but the symptom that caused this chain reaction was insomnia. If I could fix that, all the other symptoms would improve. Well, tomorrow I hopefully start dealing with that.
I finally had a sleep study done a couple of months ago to confirm the obvious: sleep apnea. Every night I sleep for 2-4 hours and then wake up. If I took Adderall during that day, there’s still enough floating around in my brain stimulating it that as soon as I’m awake, my brain is all “We’re awake again? Great! What are we doing? Let’s work on that project we started yesterday or start another one! Let’s go!” so I can’t get back to sleep. I can afford a 2-4 hour sleep night here and there, and actually I like having one from time to time. When you’re blasting your brain with amphetamines, missing one night of sleep isn’t a big deal and during these 40-hour bursts, I get a lot accomplished. The problem starts occurring on days 3, 4, etc… I become a zombie that can’t think or move or get anything productive accomplished.
Tomorrow I pick up a CPAP machine, which basically makes sure you keep breathing through the night to prevent waking up. The company is named Enos, which is funny to me not only because of wrestler Mike Enos, bus also because it rhymes with penis. I’m easily amused after falling way behind on sleep I suppose.
Anyway, I’ve heard mixed comments about CPAP machines. Some people tell me that their sleep improved from day one and it was the answer to all of their problems. Others tell me that it eventually helped, but it took up to a year. Others say they still can’t sleep at all. My hopes are high, but the one thing I know for sure is that my sleep can’t possibly get any worse.
The two symptoms I took aim at overcoming this year were sleep and pain. I’ve got my pain somewhat under control, now sleep is the biggest enemy. There are so many things I want to get accomplished that aren’t possible when I don’t sleep.
Fixing insomnia is one of the final pieces of the puzzle. I’m getting very close to finally figuring it all out.